I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
