I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
