I think I died a long time ago.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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