This house was built for laser tag.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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