i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
