Jerry, you need to find god
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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