my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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