Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
