Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
