I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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