Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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