arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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