So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I will be naked everywhere
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
