you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry about my life...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize