It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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