Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
