i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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