in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize