I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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