I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
