the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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