By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want her autograph on my taint
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
