soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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