I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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