we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
