I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
