I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
