Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
