Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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