So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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