I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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