Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
