24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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