kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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