captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
