i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize