My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize