that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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