So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He felt like a one man threesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
