I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
