Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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