I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
