Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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