Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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