Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
