Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
