is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
