Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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