It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
