I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
