Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think we might need a safe word for this...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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