Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
