I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
