oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
