the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
