i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am mentally ready for anal.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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