I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
