I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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