If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
