1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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