oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
