Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
