why didn't you poke me back
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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