I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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