he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
