a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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