i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
