I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
